Episode 3: Kathleen’s Story

“It was sort of this two-faced message of ‘well, if you don’t want to [have sex], he should respect that. But also, you should really think about whether you’re being selfish and you need to…serve him in this way’.”

In our interview, Kathleen details the messages she received about sex and gender roles as a newly wed at her ultra-conservative Seattle church. Listen as she unfolds the consequences of being taught that her body belonged to her husband. And hear how she found bodily agency, and the strength to leave her abusive marriage through the support of her faith community. ⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode contains a description of marital rape.

 

Topics discussed in this episode:

  • True Love Waits
  • future husband
  • Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye
  • threesome with God
  • Umbrella of Protection
  • romantic comedies
  • masturbation
  • shame
  • wedding night
  • wifely duties
  • infidelity
  • Ephesians 5:22
  • gender roles
  • army of God
  • quiverfull
  • head of household
  • trigger warning
  • rape
  • marital rape
  • anal sex
  • consent
  • abusive relationship
  • submissive wife
  • divorce
  • forgiveness
  • Lundy Bancroft Why Does He Do That
  • career women
  • domestic men
  • dating after divorce
  • healthy relationship

Episode 2: Annie’s Story

“I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal for [sex] to hurt. I definitely fell into the category of ‘doing wifely duties.'”

In episode two, I interview Annie. Annie was raised in a Southern Baptist community, and was so closed off from her own body that her friends called her “trench coat”. When she got married as a virgin at 19, sex was painful and she thought that was normal. Listen as she tells how she recovered her relationship with her body after an affair shattered everything.

Topics discussed in this episode:

  • Southern Baptist
  • True Love Waits
  • Joshua Harris ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’
  • pray it away
  • temptation
  • flesh is evil
  • childhood sexuality
  • masturbating
  • confession
  • Proverbs 31
  • Stormie Omartian ‘Power of a Praying Wife’
  • wifely duties
  • waiting for marriage
  • vulvodynia
  • painful sex
  • affair
  • trauma
  • gold star virgin
  • therapy
  • divorce
  • grief rituals
  • sex positivity
  • sexual agency
  • grown-up sex

Episode 1: Magnolia’s Story

Signed purity pledge card at 12. Married at 22. Divorced at 29.

In this episode, I tell my story of growing up in a conservative Christian community with strict ideals concerning purity before marriage. You’ll hear how these ideals led me to get married at age 22, and how the realities of marriage inspired me to create this podcast and get a divorce.

“The best metaphor I have for my work on this podcast is a burned down house.  Every time I want to reflect on an aspect of my sexual path or my marriage, I have to go back into my burned down house.  It’s painful because I see the broken promises, and shattered dreams. The curly blonde-haired babies we’ll never have, the music we won’t make together.  But now I have something that I didn’t before. A deep knowledge and trust in myself, in my own intuition. A love for my body and the things I do with it. And an excitement for the future.”

 

Topics discussed in this episode:

  • purity culture
  • nudity
  • childhood sexuality
  • homeschool
  • masturbating
  • True Love Waits
  • pledge cards
  • purity rings
  • 1st Corinthians 13
  • indie music scene
  • married young
  • virgin til marriage
  • porn
  • 2nd wave feminism
  • PTSD
  • San Francisco
  • somatic healing
  • couples counseling
  • emotional abuse
  • divorce
  • journaling
  • healing